good night, good enough

Sorry you were in tears and I couldn’t do a thing. Grief sucks so much from the other side. Take a breath, hope you feel better in a minute, a day, a year. Slow the tempo so I can hear all the thoughts I wish would disappear. Breathe in the background noise. Take it apart, everyone knows noise destroys. The pulse of the waves crash over us, never come up for air. Come drown with me. Where the trail goes cold, you and I will make something indescribable. I sit in the dark, but God knows I wish there was light to read, so I could know what the F I’m always doing, running in circles without a plan, take my hand, maybe we’ll make it out together. Headlights are too dim to see much out here, so ready your flashlights. The cold keeps coming faster. Breath out the emptiness. Lie in your future grave. Learn to love, but never make mistakes. I know the way by heart if I can close my eyes to the light. Call out to me, I’ll call back. You’re no monster, you just had a rough week. Hard shell, tough exterior. I’m comfortable, dreaming about loneliness while you’re making the gravel do its best. We’re all tired, empty shell, empty nest. Wings caught in the rain, tough break, wait it out. I got nothing better to do than run away from what’s given to me. I wouldn’t last a day, if I did it my way. No sympathy for those who give what you take. I’m a monster in my own right. Dark night, under covers, save your night light. I’ll haunt my dreams, haunt my house, be the worst poltergeist because I know what I’m actually afraid of. You could stand to have some backbone, use your words, fight for yourself. Play dead, dog, you’ll never be the best at what you dream of. You could take my last words and make an anthem for giving up. One track mind, seven trains going fast, fast faster. I could out run them but I’ll never last. Plaster, band aids cover bullet holes. I guess I’ll never know, why the exit wound’s bigger than the entry hole. In a minute I’ll forget it, why I’m even here, avoid fear, it knows too much. Cross the road, but you can’t turn back, one foot in Hades and the other out my bedroom window. I never was one for much thinking. Isn’t it much better to void your thoughts to make yourself bearable. Get 'em out, get 'em down, you know it's so much easier. Fuck it up, impulse jump, adrenaline pump, I can’t stop. Calm down, downward spiral, I see noise cloud my brain, synapses empty. Rewire the framework, something’s wrong. I’m not going out there in the daytime. 3 am is the best hour for making it better or worse. So much for good luck. Good night, good enough. If I never stop, they can’t surround me. If I never stop, no walls will catch me. Hang in there, but not too hard, doesn’t matter where you put me.