contain yourself

I’m out of my depressed bitch slump, at least for the day! Maybe. Mood swings going hard rn. I am constantly screaming (mentally). Is listening to excessive Fall Out Boy good for your mental health? Made my own little world to hide in and destroy when the impulse gets too much to bear, contain yourself. CONTAIN YOURSELF. You’ll get over it. I need to go and take a long walk, hours long, out to the CVS a few miles away, but I get home around 4:30 and it gets dark around 5. I wish I could just dangle my legs out the window. Fuck the bug screen. Tried to figure out how to remove it for like 30 minutes yesterday. Didn’t work and now all my organs feel itchy, some sorta skin crawling tingling thing, it’d be nice if it could stop. I need things to work or else. Or else what? I dunno. Make it work. Wish my brain would work. Wish my body didn’t need hormones because it seems like it’s shit at handling those. I don’t know if I’m missing filters or if I have filters with massive holes in them. It feels like I’m using swiss cheese to monitor my feelings and thoughts. Not so holy, though. Nothing wrong with your ears hurting if that’s what it takes to make your brain work. Skin is patchwork. You’re working on it, though. Salutations! From the corner of the library, too much skin and not enough, too big to small for the you shaped hole in the universe. Sucking in all the extra light around me, implode inwards. I got a fidget toy shaped like a soccer ball. Pirated songs on my iPod. I feel like I need to break something, smash something, not just my mental blocks but something physical to get basic shit done. This should be easy. I should just stay away from my arms for a few days. Does God even like me?