Hate List

This was written circa 2018/2019. Everything is uploaded exactly how it was written at the time.

Hate List transcribed:

1. I hate my name.

2. I hate that I'm overly emotional + cry at everything.

3. I hate that I'm anxious.

4. I hate that I feel like they can't trust me. They can't take my word for anything, they always have to prove it themself.

5. I hate that I'm indecisive about everything.

6. I hate that I'm not a good enough student for my parents.

7. I hate that I'm not the daughter they deserve.

8. I hate that I'm still a child.

9. I hate that I'm never good enough at the things I love to do.

10. I hate that there's always someone better than me.

11. I hate that I feel I can't tell my parents things. No matter how much they say that they will get it, understand, support me, I can't help but feel that they won't. 

12. I hate that I can't tell them who I really am because I'm scared of them distancing themselves because of it.

13. I hate that I'm a burden.

14. I hate that I'm alone.

15. I hate that I can't get things done.

16. I hate that I make everyone around me disappointed.

17. I hate that I can't speak up.

18. I hate that I love making dumb lists.

19. I hate that I'll never find a romantic partner.

20. I hate that I'm allergic to everything.

21. I hate that I have such loving parents, because when I inevitably disappoint them, it'll only make it worse.

22. I hate that I exist.

23. I hate that school is so hard for me, stresses me out.

24. I hate that I hate myself.

25. I hate that everything is so hard for me.

26. I hate that my shoulders always hurt.

27. I hate that I have emotions.

28. I hate that I love everyone too much.

29. I hate that no one understands.

30. I hate that I could never pursue a career in the things I love to do, because my parents insist I should get a better paying "real job" because the one I want doesn't pay well. I don't think they understand that I don't want to be rich, and don't care if I have little money.

31. I hate that I blackout sometimes.

32. I hate that I'm not super interesting.

33. I hate that I'm not really interesting.

34. I hate that I'm not good at languages.

35. I hate that I can't sleep.

36. I hate that I have no one to talk to.

37. I hate that I can't turn back time and live my life the way I want to.

38. I hate that my voice could be better.

39. I hate that all my clothes look too feminine.

40. I hate that I'm not confident.

41. I hate that I'm distracted easily.

42. I hate that I think I'm a bad person.

43. I hate that I'm actually a bad person.

44. I hate that I'm never hungry.

45. I hate that I missed that one quiz in third quarter and got a zero how could I be so stupid.

46. I hate that I feel like I'm never a priority. I feel like everytime I ask for something, it gets put on a wait list.

47. I hate that I freak out for no reason.

48. I hate how I can't talk to people.

49. I hate how easy it is to convince myself that everyone hates me.

50. I hate how much I need validation.

51. I hate how much I can't focus.

52. I hate how much I hate school.

53. I hate how emotional I am.

54. I hate that my friends are too good for me.

55. I hate that I'm just a loser.

56. I hate that I mess everything up.

57. I hate that I make everyone sad.

58. I hate that I'm just a waste of space.

59. I hate that my allergie suck.

60. I hate that I have acne.

61. I hate that I'm not dating anyone.

62. I hate that no one likes me romantically.

63. I hate that I'm so needy.

64. I hate how judgey my classmates are.

65. I hate that my heart clenches a little when I look at my crush.

66. I hate that I have a crush at all.

67. I hate that I can't help anyone.

68. I hate the homophobia jokes even though they're jokes they unnerve me.

69. I hate that my brain goes from "nice" to "sad" in like 2 seconds.

70. I hate hot pockets.

71. I hate the goddamn finals.

72. I hate that I feel that I'm not allowed to be angry because I'm a generally happy person.

73. I hate that I'm touch starved.

74. I hate that I develop crushes easily.

75. I hate that my crush doesn't like me back.

76. I hate that even though I'm dating someone and it should feel right, it feels wrong.

77. I hate how I missed my Grandfather's funeral.

78. I hate how I'm incapable of bouncing back.